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Everything sucks forever

I dedicate this blog to one of my best friends, Scott, to whom the worst things happen. This is a continuously augmented archive of the quotes that define his life.
Apr 19 '14

(Source: baphonnet)

Jan 13 '14

Hitler again

"Look, if you’ve got two Hitler cards… you’re cheating."

Jul 23 '13
"I just read a James Joyce love letter. Motherfucker was 4chan before 4chan."
May 12 '13
"So I farted near a coworker and he’s saying it made him sick so now we’re all trying to figure out if I could get written up for it and what the reason would say."
Dec 23 '12
"Just realized the area in a guy’s jeans under the dong can be referred to as ‘the cockpit’ and it would be correct. Also, I tore a hole in my cockpit."
Dec 23 '12
"I am no longer allowed to threaten to ‘cockmurder’ someone, and I’m even less allowed to go into detail as to what it is and how I’d do it."
Dec 23 '12
"If I had to pick between moving all that shit around and getting a hot jizz enema, I’d have to sit down and think it over."
Dec 23 '12
"$10 of Wendy’s lunch does not lead to a food baby. It leads to a food miscarriage."
Dec 7 '12
"The last 3 texts to my bank were ‘EAT DICK YOU SMEGMA PILE,’ ‘I HOPE YOU ALL CHOKE,’ and ‘Balance.’"
Dec 1 '12

Card games

  • Laura: You want my jack of clubs?
  • Scott: Sorry, that suit's not my style!
  • Laura: Oh god I think I just threw up in my mouth.
  • Scott: I'll throw up in your eyes.